So the past few months have been a Humpty Dumpty roller coaster ride for me. Mostly I’m a very happy and positive person but the last few months have seen a newer version of “me”. I couldn’t relate to this new ” ME” to be honest! I was acting and behaving like a truck had hit me, I was in constant fear and the list was endless.
In the meanwhile before all this drama started, I had started running in April 2014. I never ran in my life, I had an aversion towards sports in school except for basketball. So, why did I want to run now was the big question!! Well, a few months before that, I had participated in the Pinkathon breast cancer 3k run and finished it in 28.49minutes. Not bad for a starter and with no prior know-how in running. When I had registered for the run I registered mainly for the Pinkathon T-shirt (I know I’m MAD). After the run, something hit me, its like when you get addicted to dope (I don’t like relating running to dope but just to give the gist of it) and you can’t have enough of it. THAT!
I wanted to explore this craziness a lil further. I joined a running group and voila, there started my running journey. My first day of the training session and I had butterflies in my stomach. When I met the group, back of my head, I kept telling myself what have I got myself into, these guys are experienced runners and look at me. BLEH state of mind totally!
First day done, I got into the groove and was getting better. I started experiencing pain (Obviously I had been a couch potato for long enough) but I didn’t allow the discomfort to get the better of me, I just kept going. All of a sudden cuz of my Father-in-law’s illness, I had to take a break for a month. During the entire 1 month in and out of hospitals, if there was one thing I wanted badly, it was to “RUN”. I just didn’t understand this addiction yet then!
Got back home after a month and I knew I had to start from scratch. I didn’t want to start from scratch. I felt like crap. I kept questioning myself “WHY ME”. I kept telling myself, it’s the first time I’ve ever sought anything so badly, so why make me go through all this. I resumed running, but something wasn’t right. I started experiencing lots of pain, excruciating pain and I fell sick. I wanted to jump off the cliff, like seriously (Not literally, but yeah that was the feeling). I was asked to take rest for two weeks and go for a consultation.
Image courtesy: keepcalmrun.tumblr.com
Now, anyone who knows me knows that I hate hospital visits. They say medical professionals are the worst patients, how true I’m a living example. I kept pushing the visit with a hope that I will be fine. But, no the pain kept increasing and I had no choice but to visit the Doc. I was literally shitting bricks. I visited two orthopedics and a sports therapist. Back of my mind, I started running versions of what the doctor might tell me “Oh, you can’t run” ““You have to take a break” “There is some problem” and the likes. The problem with medicos is we know it all and think of all the possible ailments we can surface with. Sucks to know it all in such cases. I just wanted to get done and know the end result. Thanks to my stars, everything was fine, just mild stiffness and I was given the go ahead (I think the person sitting up there, knew how desperately I wanted this and decided to be on my side, phew) I literally screamed in happiness when I walked out of the doctor’s clinic.
I got back to training and today I ran a 5k. When I started initially I was in self-doubt. I didn’t know if I was ready yet to take the leap. But I did, I completed the run and something really strange happened afterwards. I got teary eyed and was holding back tears. Lot of emotions running through my peanut size head. I hate tears and I don’t like crying. I had tears not because I was in pain, but because I was happy. Really really happy. Over the past few weeks, I had been beating myself up over not being able to run I guess I let go of all those emotions today. All these days whenever anyone expressed how happy he or she was after completing a 10k or a HM or FM, I could never relate much to it. But today I understood how its feels, why there is excitement, why there is so much happiness, why there are so many emotions running through. Till date I never had a strong answer why I love running, today I do. Running makes me happy, it brings a smile on my face, the pain the soreness bring a smile on my face, it clears my mind and I feel like a free bird. This post is dedicated to my Father-in-law. I really respect and look upto him. I was shaken up when I heard he wasn’t in the pink of health. I became really angry, because I felt he didn’t deserve to suffer. But he fought his battle like a true fighter and today I felt I fought my little battle to get back to form as well.
I’ve never been this happy, even when I graduated from college or got my 1st job. Running an addiction and it’s here to stay. These are small leaps of victory, I have miles to go, but I know I will reach there one day. I wanted to write this post because you may do a single thing many times in life, but there’s nothing like the first time, huh. From here on there is no stopping or looking back again. I am out on this beautiful journey.
I cannot end this post without mentioning this. I don’t take names on my blog for obvious reasons, but H & A, if I’ve reached this small teeny weeny milestone today it’s only because of you’ll. Respect and Gratitude. You’ll have got me hooked onto this crazy adrenaline rush called “ Running”. The group I run with are a bunch of fun, amazing people, that’s why maybe I enjoy it even more.
I train with this group called Protons Running, you can check them out on FB. They are amazing people, amazing mentors, amazing energy and infectious ☺
This quote totally defines my love for running!!
“I run because if I didn’t, I’d be sluggish and glum and spend too much time on the couch. I run to breathe the fresh air. I run to explore. I run to escape the ordinary. I run to savor the trip along the way. Life becomes a little more vibrant, a little more intense. I like that.”-Dean Karnazes