Category Archives: love

Gone Away Too Soon!!!

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Writing this post on Avi’s B’Day couldn’t have been harder. Without your presence Uncle this doesn’t seem like a B’Day. From morning we have been trying to act normal, but it’s so hard to pretend like everything is okay. But am sure Uncle you would be showering Avi with all your blessings today and am even more sure you’re very proud to have had a son like Avi today.

My Husband’s Father passed away on 19th February after a long battle with Cancer.

It’s been a week exactly. Last week, this time your physical presence left us. It still feels like a bad dream. It still feels like you will walk in through the main door and flash your trademark smile. You were gone too soon, Uncle.

The past two months in the hospital see you go through phases of pain, suffering, willpower to overcome anything that may beat you down still linger fresh in my mind. I walked into the hospital few days back to collect some documents and I could strongly feel your presence. I still wished I was on my daily visit to ICU bed no 5 to check on your vitals. I still wished I could see your heart rate beating on the monitor. I still wish you were around.

I still remember my last conversation with you, when you said “winners don’t cry,losers do”. You said, don’t cry when I go, I may not reach heaven then! Death never scared you, you were willing to fight it off. You were ready to fight off the cancer 2nd time round too. But why did you give up, angers me everyday. Why did you stop fighting. So many questions I want to ask you. You were gone too soon.

7 days are gone, but you have left us with memories of a lifetime. Every night for the last few days we sit around your photo and talk about all the good times. We feel you can still hear us, though you’re not present with us physically your presence can be felt at every corner of the house. All of us are trying hard to fight back tears, you wouldn’t have liked it.

We left no stone unturned to save you, but you were taken away too soon. I wish you had fought harder, but maybe you’re in a better place now, pain free looking down upon on all of us.

You always treated me like a daughter, never made me feel like a daughter-in-law. More like a friend. There was never a day which passed by that you made me feel otherwise. You welcomed me into the family with open arms, made me feel at home from the day I married your Son. You supported me whenever I needed a helping hand, you were there whenever I needed your presence even without asking. That’s what set you aside from everyone else. You were always there for everyone.

Day by day as people come to offer their condolences, all we hear is high regard and respect for you. Our hearts beam with pride. You’ve left a mark in everyone’s life that it’s impossible to overcome this irreplaceable loss.

The irony of life, but I’ve had the most amount of conversations with you in the hospital. When you were first diagnosed with Cancer, you were chilled out. You treated it like a normal cold and fought it out if your system. 2nd time around you were chilled out too, and wanted to fight back this time as well. But before you were even given a chance to fight, you were gone.

There isn’t a second in everyone’s mind for the last few days that we wish all this never happened. You were one of the happiest and positive human beings I’ve ever come across in my life. Where are you today??

You started off with nothing and reached heights in your lifespan. Your life story inspires me everyday to achieve whatever I desire in Life. Perform or Perish were words you stuck by always.

You inspire me everyday to be a better person, to work hard, to be sincere, to be a good human being, to do good and expect nothing in return. I wish and hope to live up to the expectations you had from me.

It makes me really proud to have been you’re Daughterinlaw and I cherish all the good times. We miss you Uncle terribly, more than words can say. We are trying to find strength in your memories to move on.

Image courtesy : pinterest.com

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“2014” The Year that was!!!

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Two Days from now we will be celebrating the New Year!! Who knew 2014 would fly at the speed of light, it just feels like yesterday and now all of us are gearing up for 2015.

My last post was a couple of months back. Why??!! Well, whenever I write down a post it comes from within, its honest and its what I feel. I don’t like writing a post for the heck of it. So I thought why write one because I have to write one. I started writing this post sometime around last week and have been editing it since then.

What was 2014 for me. Well right from the
second the calendar changed numbers to 2014, my life has been revolving like a roller coaster ride non-stop. The year has been a mix of all kinds, some good, some not so good, some life-changing experiences, some lessons to carry back and learn within. I’ve always said a mundane life is boring, I love challenges but this year there were times when I wished and said to myself I wish life was plain simple sometimes. But then again, what fun in playing a puzzle without any hardships. No thrill to the experience right!!

When it rains heavily, it pours nonstop and you wish for it to stop after a certain point of time.
Little over a month back, I just sat down for a couple of minutes and hoped to have to do nothing for at least 5minutes. I know 5 minutes, you might be thinking I’m crazy. But at that point 5minutes also seemed like “luxury”. Thats how hectic, crazy life has been. I wouldn’t have wanted it otherwise, I cant sit still for a minute but this was the peaks. I wanted a break.

No matter who tries to advice you on life or impart a little gyaan on life learning lessons, we won’t understand a thing till we face it on our own. This entire year has been a learning experience be it personally or professionally. Life is all about choices. We have the choice to live it to the best everyday inspite of hurdles thrown along the path or we have the choice to just sit and crib about it.

But I also realised one thing in this whole process, in this mad rush I forgot to give myself my “ME” time. Being busy and making no time for yourself in between the madness is not a perfect formula. It will drive you insane and at one point I began to loose my sanity. There were many times when I felt like being on a deserted island disconnected from the entire world. How awesome would that be huh, no calls to answer, no emails to respond to and the list is endless. If theres’s one thing I want to change in 2015 is to make time for myself. Take a day off from my schedule and do something I love doing the most. Fair deal!

I’ve always looked forward to December but this time it’s been one emotional taxing month and I can’t wait for it to end. Success and failures are a part of our very existence, what we make of it is what sets us apart. We have to find our way back no matter what. But I am thankful for the year that has gone by, its been another lesson in making, take the good cherish on it and learn from the bad.

So what does 2015 have in store. I don’t know, I have never believed in planning ahead. But what I do know is whatever I do I will do it with all my heart and soul. Life is a beautiful experience, I fail to connect with people who complain about life all the time. Look at the brighter side, something good will come out eventually. Do something you love doing, something worthy. If at all you fail, tell yourself it’s okay and I will try again till I get it right! You will eventually. I know 2015 is going to be a kickass year for me in every way. Bring it on baby!!

I am off to one of my favourite places Goa to ring in the New Years. Hope you all have a wonderful New Year with all your loved ones. Be safe and may the New Year be even more spectacular than the year that has gone by. Connect with you in the New Year!!! Adios Amigos!!

Everyday is a Good Day when you RUN!!!

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So the past few months have been a Humpty Dumpty roller coaster ride for me. Mostly I’m a very happy and positive person but the last few months have seen a newer version of “me”. I couldn’t relate to this new ” ME” to be honest! I was acting and behaving like a truck had hit me, I was in constant fear and the list was endless.

In the meanwhile before all this drama started, I had started running in April 2014. I never ran in my life, I had an aversion towards sports in school except for basketball. So, why did I want to run now was the big question!! Well, a few months before that, I had participated in the Pinkathon breast cancer 3k run and finished it in 28.49minutes. Not bad for a starter and with no prior know-how in running. When I had registered for the run I registered mainly for the Pinkathon T-shirt (I know I’m MAD). After the run, something hit me, its like when you get addicted to dope (I don’t like relating running to dope but just to give the gist of it) and you can’t have enough of it. THAT!

I wanted to explore this craziness a lil further. I joined a running group and voila, there started my running journey. My first day of the training session and I had butterflies in my stomach. When I met the group, back of my head, I kept telling myself what have I got myself into, these guys are experienced runners and look at me. BLEH state of mind totally!

First day done, I got into the groove and was getting better. I started experiencing pain (Obviously I had been a couch potato for long enough) but I didn’t allow the discomfort to get the better of me, I just kept going. All of a sudden cuz of my Father-in-law’s illness, I had to take a break for a month. During the entire 1 month in and out of hospitals, if there was one thing I wanted badly, it was to “RUN”. I just didn’t understand this addiction yet then!

Got back home after a month and I knew I had to start from scratch. I didn’t want to start from scratch. I felt like crap. I kept questioning myself “WHY ME”. I kept telling myself, it’s the first time I’ve ever sought anything so badly, so why make me go through all this. I resumed running, but something wasn’t right. I started experiencing lots of pain, excruciating pain and I fell sick. I wanted to jump off the cliff, like seriously (Not literally, but yeah that was the feeling). I was asked to take rest for two weeks and go for a consultation.

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Image courtesy: keepcalmrun.tumblr.com

Now, anyone who knows me knows that I hate hospital visits. They say medical professionals are the worst patients, how true I’m a living example. I kept pushing the visit with a hope that I will be fine. But, no the pain kept increasing and I had no choice but to visit the Doc. I was literally shitting bricks. I visited two orthopedics and a sports therapist. Back of my mind, I started running versions of what the doctor might tell me “Oh, you can’t run” ““You have to take a break” “There is some problem” and the likes. The problem with medicos is we know it all and think of all the possible ailments we can surface with. Sucks to know it all in such cases. I just wanted to get done and know the end result. Thanks to my stars, everything was fine, just mild stiffness and I was given the go ahead (I think the person sitting up there, knew how desperately I wanted this and decided to be on my side, phew) I literally screamed in happiness when I walked out of the doctor’s clinic.

I got back to training and today I ran a 5k. When I started initially I was in self-doubt. I didn’t know if I was ready yet to take the leap. But I did, I completed the run and something really strange happened afterwards. I got teary eyed and was holding back tears. Lot of emotions running through my peanut size head. I hate tears and I don’t like crying. I had tears not because I was in pain, but because I was happy. Really really happy. Over the past few weeks, I had been beating myself up over not being able to run I guess I let go of all those emotions today. All these days whenever anyone expressed how happy he or she was after completing a 10k or a HM or FM, I could never relate much to it. But today I understood how its feels, why there is excitement, why there is so much happiness, why there are so many emotions running through. Till date I never had a strong answer why I love running, today I do. Running makes me happy, it brings a smile on my face, the pain the soreness bring a smile on my face, it clears my mind and I feel like a free bird. This post is dedicated to my Father-in-law. I really respect and look upto him. I was shaken up when I heard he wasn’t in the pink of health. I became really angry, because I felt he didn’t deserve to suffer. But he fought his battle like a true fighter and today I felt I fought my little battle to get back to form as well.

I’ve never been this happy, even when I graduated from college or got my 1st job. Running an addiction and it’s here to stay. These are small leaps of victory, I have miles to go, but I know I will reach there one day. I wanted to write this post because you may do a single thing many times in life, but there’s nothing like the first time, huh. From here on there is no stopping or looking back again. I am out on this beautiful journey.

I cannot end this post without mentioning this. I don’t take names on my blog for obvious reasons, but H & A, if I’ve reached this small teeny weeny milestone today it’s only because of you’ll. Respect and Gratitude. You’ll have got me hooked onto this crazy adrenaline rush called “ Running”. The group I run with are a bunch of fun, amazing people, that’s why maybe I enjoy it even more.

I train with this group called Protons Running, you can check them out on FB. They are amazing people, amazing mentors, amazing energy and infectious ☺

This quote totally defines my love for running!!

“I run because if I didn’t, I’d be sluggish and glum and spend too much time on the couch. I run to breathe the fresh air. I run to explore. I run to escape the ordinary. I run to savor the trip along the way. Life becomes a little more vibrant, a little more intense. I like that.”-Dean Karnazes

Flaunt the ring, GAME OVER!!!!

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When you sent me the invite saying “GAME OVER” I was wondering whose game is over, yours or the one marrying you (pun intended)
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You’re getting married??? Really, unbelievable!!! I still can’t get over the fact that in a few days you will be Mrs. R.

Well, actually I dread the poor guy’s situation. Imagine bearing with your nautanki for the rest of his life, phew!! Poor K may have to take marriage survival lessons to withstand your “drama”, he has no idea what he is getting himself into 😛

Jokes apart, I wish marriage gets you a Lil more sane, but I love the insane you also. You can light up even a dull moment, so Mr.K is really lucky to have you in his life (see you have your brownie points as well) 🙂

And seriously, please stop showing us your back man, like SERIOUSLY!!!! Hope you get to shake your “TOOH” at your own wedding at least 😛

Love you with all my heart and I wish you only the best out of Wedlock! A big bear size hug!

Fighters and Survivors!!!!!

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I didn’t want to write something personal on my blog but the past 25days have been emotionally, mentally and physically draining that I felt maybe I would feel better putting it down in words. The last 25days have been crazy. My very cheerful, always smiling and happy Father-in-law was diagnosed with intermediate stage cancer. The first thought that struck me was why Him?? I guess all of us feel that way when a storm strikes. This question kept ringing in my head,but I found no answers. Most of the times, we don’t have answers for questions we have. My Father-in-law was scheduled to have an intense,complex surgery to get rid of the cancer. Three days prior to the surgery he became really quiet. I think he had a lot of questions too unanswered on his mind.A day before the surgery he gave me a book to read and said “Nobody else will read this book, but I know you will”.

On the day of surgery as well he was quiet, he didn’t say anything. While he was being wheeled out to the OT he remained calm, he didn’t look at anyone. Before the OT doors shut I think he looked at my Mother-in-law with a reassurance “I’ll be fine, don’t worry”. My Mother-in-law had tears in her eyes, we left her alone for a few minutes to calm down and she said “He will be fine”.

We all kept telling ourselves he will be fine but deep within all of us were worried. The surgery was a very complex surgery,took almost 8 hours for the surgery to finish. Those 8 hrs were testing times. We all tried to distract each other, my husband found the hospital food to be bad, he said how do people even eat this kind of food. In the tense situation we were, the husband suddenly blurted out ” I want to have biryani”, all of us looked at him and started laughing. Its good to lighten up in such moments. 8 hrs later the surgeon operating, came out and told us the surgery was a success. It was such a sigh of relief.  Few hours later each one of us got to see Uncle in the ICU. When I saw him there lying in a sedative state, I didn’t like it. I’ve always seen him with a smile on his face, to see him in pain was really hard on all of us I guess.

We retired back to our room and were relaxed that now he should be well out on the road to recovery. After a few hours the surgeon called us and told us there was some complication and they may have to reoperate. Our hearts sank, all of us had the same question”Why, what could have gone wrong now”. We had to be strong. At that moment I kept telling myself “All will be well”. This kept me going and helped me stay put. The whole night was a testing time. Uncle’s condition stabilised over the night and he started getting better. Few days post surgery when he started recovering slowly and had his trademark smile, it was a ray of hope for all of us.The surgeon said his recovery was remarkable, maybe because he’s such a positive and strong person. But at times, something has to go wrong when everything seems right. Due to medical negligence from the hospital staff Uncle’s recovery took a backstep. There were complications and he contracted an infection. The last few days have been insane and every day we only wished that things would fall into place. Today after a long time there was a green positive signal and Uncle’s condition is stabilising now. A hope that everything will be fine. We all live in HOPE don’t we. It’s still a long way till Uncle gets back on his feet but there is hope and positivity he will be fine.

At many instances I felt, would it help if I had blasted the nurse who was negligent. No, I don’t think so it would have only made me feel worst. I also want to mention, I have no anger on the nurse who was careless and negligent, I just wish and hope you don’t do this to any other patient. I hope you realise that life is precious and every patient that walks into your care has a family waiting for their wellbeing. I hope you realise that human life is a gift and it cannot be played around.

It’s really strange cuz as humans we all make mistakes, learn from our mistakes but in the medical field mistakes cannot happen, a mistake is unpardonable. Oh by the way I am a medical professional too and in the last 25days there wasn’t a single minute when I didn’t think “How I wish Indian Medical System” was far more better. Being on the other side of knowing everything has its setbacks as well, you need to be calm and composed.

I am writing this post sitting in the hospital and all I can think of is why was he made to go through all this?? But it also made me realise in such situations we need to stay positive and be strong. Family is strength and without the support of our families and friends we couldn’t have gone through this tough time.God has his own way of testing your inner strength. Don’t loose hope. We haven’t slept for almost 3 weeks now but it really didn’t matter to us. We only wanted Uncle to be fine.Life is full of ups and downs. Don’t give up, fight your battle and emerge a winner.Its still a long way till Uncle is back on his feet but we are positive he will be well.From here on its a long road to recovery for Uncle but I wish he gets back on his feet soon. I drew this doodle at the hospital, it gave me some kind of reassurance every time I looked at it.

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Like many of my readers know, I have taken upto running lately and its really strange but I have been wanting to put on my running shoes and go for a run in the last 3 weeks. I’ve actually missed Running. Strange know in the weirdest of situations you realise on the other good things you want to do in life. Life is weird that way, sometimes good,sometimes bad but nevertheless beautiful!!!

Get Well Soon Uncle!! I miss your Facebook Posts.

Love and Laughter always

Happily Ever After K & P !!!

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One of my closest is getting married tomorrow, and it breaks my heart to know we will not be present to witness the cute fairytale wedding. I was the most excited when I got to know about their wedding, I still am, but I just wish I could be there to witness it.

We may not be there in person, but our best wishes are always with you guys. Hope lil T is making up for our absensce.

Dear K so tomorrow you get married, yayy so finally you can change your Facebook status from “In a relationship” to “Married”. Now that you’ll be a married man in less than 24hours, learn the art of saying yes for everything (even when you want to say NO):)

Please make a note, the Wife is “always” RIGHT 😉 It’s nature’s Law, don’t try to play with it 🙂

Dear P, don’t worry you’re marrying a guy who will treat you like a Princess 🙂

The Secret for every Happy Marriage is, well its a secret so go find your Secret 🙂

Jokes apart, have fun guys and enjoy all the pampering cuz after tomorrow nobody will give you VIP treament 😉

Have a wonderful day tomorrow and may you both get to have the Fairytale Wedding you”ll have dreamed of, our best wishes are always with you”ll. Wishing you both only love, happiness and togetherness always 🙂 God Bless 🙂

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Love and Laughter always

V R NOW 3!!!!!

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Let’s observe a minute of silence please, its our 3rd wedding anniversary!!! Jokes apart,3 YEARS??? WOW!!!… Everytime I look back, I feel “Not bad, we survived this long” (trust me we can drive each other up the wall). We are a crazy pack, the husband not so crazy, but I am mentally crazy for sure, like one of my bolts fell down when I was born.

Marriage is good, its the best actually and you know why because it lets you annoy just one person for the rest of your life, the one person being the husband in my case obviously. We are two imperfect pieces that fit together perfectly. Every year that passes by is a reminder for us that we are stuck to each other for the rest of our lives, bingo!!! It’s an applaud on our backs how we’ve tolerated each other this long. Sometimes I wonder how you put up with me and then it hits me that I put up with you too, so we’re even!!! On a serious note, we are “AWESOME”.
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Happy Wedding Anniversary A, here’s to another year of insanity and mentalness, I look forward to another 365 days of annoying you to the T. Love You! You’re the Best!!!

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Quote Me!!

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” Never let the fear of striking out, stop you from playing the game”

This is one of my go-to kind of quotes from one of Hillary Duff’s films, don’t remember the name though. Whenever in doubt, whenever I am hesitant to do something I recite this in my mind. It gives me courage and it gives me faith that I will come out a winner. Is there any quote you look up to? Let me know.

Happy Birthday N – My Person

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Sometimes you have that person who may not be related to you by the family tree but is still family, someone you call “your person”, someone whom you call “your best friend”

We met at our graduate college orientation and the minute she knew I was from Mumbai too she jumped in excitement. She was talking like a dime to the dozen and in my head I was like “how much does she talk”.

I don’t know how we hit it off but in a matter of few weeks we became rock solid. Both of us were poles apart in personalities, she hated fashion I sweared by brands, she hated makeup I swore by MAC, she hated going out I was always out, she was the one with a blue-print brain and lets not talk about me. She slept diligently by 9 everyday and I was a night owl party hopping from one place to another. Yes, but there was one thing common anyone rubbed us on the wrong side we would give even ROCK competition and we never shyed away from speaking our minds. Like they say you may not be similar but still there is something that binds a relationship.

You’re “my person” because we are on the same team, we have our own language, because I know you will tell me what to do even if it is to shut the hell up, because even if you’re busy you will still do a tab check on me, you listen to all my crazy moments, you hear me complain about life and everything and still have my back, because we don’t have to say anything to understand each other, because family need not be blood related,  because only we understand what we do, because you are “YOU” and you’re “my person” no one else is.

Happy B’day N …. may all the candles you blow today bring you wonderful surprises all through the year and God bless always. I love you and miss you. Happiness and love always

Love and Laughter always

29 going on 19

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You are the chalk and I am the cheese. I don’t think we both can annoy anyone as much as we irritate each other but are still inseparable. We both would make the perfect endorsement for two dissimilar people who still make a great pack.At times I feel I am living with a kid, but I love it. You make every day of my life challenging, but I still love it. I go to the movies alone at times so that I can enjoy my bucket of popcorn in peace without having to hear how many calories I am consuming. Every time you forget the parking slot in the mall, I think “seriously”. Every time my hands go looking out for a bag of chips and you give me the stern look “THAT”. You’re a gym junkie and it makes me wonder what did I get myself into. I hate it how you’re right most of the times, but I still try to stand my ground. Every morning when you sit with your bottle of water and stare at the ceiling, I wonder what the hell is there on the top. You bring out the best and worst in me. You make me think being dumb is cool. You let me be “ME”. You love Batman, I love Alice in wonderland. I wonder what a mundane, boring life I would be leading if you were not around to bug me. You’re a 29 yr old going on 19, pun intended. You make life seem like a breath of fresh air. I know you love me more, but I will never admit it.You make life colorful.

Happy B’Day Maverick, let’s go drink it up and make it a blast. I wouldn’t have wished for life to be in any other way. You make it bombastic. May all the candles you blow today bring you the best all year around. I Love You. Soulmates for life. Go get your six pack now.

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