Life is like a game of Football where you score a goal at times, where you loose at times, overcome your fears and still face the world.
I might have written about 5 posts in the last 10days but ended up scrapping all of them. Just didn’t feel like uploading a post. Finally, today I felt the need to write one. This post is straight from the heart so bear with me.
First things first, my father-in-law is recovering pretty well, yeah, he kicked the cancer out and hopefully it doesn’t return ever again. Man, it was a tough two months I don’t want to be in that place ever again. Trust me the feeling sucks!
It’s been over 3weeks now since we’ve gotten back home and gotten back to our normal routine. Well, I don’t think I’ve still gotten back to my normal self. It’s so strange and weird, but the last two months have hit me hard and they seem to be haunting me till date. Sleepless nights, weird and ridiculous thoughts, fears out of nowhere have been my best friends for the last 3weeks precisely. It’s funny because I’ve never lived life in fear and that’s exactly what I’ve been doing in the last 3weeks. I’ve become an emotional wreck, something I never was, I hate tears I hate crying and now I cry at the drop of a hat. Sheesh!!
The last 3weeks I wasn’t able to relate to myself. Weak, emotional, scared, worried, dull, no interest in anything is the new side of me which I saw in the last few weeks after coming back. Trust me, I hated it, because I am a really happy person and here I was behaving like a truck had hit me. I didn’t want to speak to anyone about this, but I finally did. There is always that person in your life whom you call “my person” apart from your family. For me, it’s my best friend. Finally 2days back, I made a frantic call to N and I couldn’t speak, all I did was break down and cry. She kept quiet till I finished and didn’t utter a word. See that’s what best friends are for, they don’t judge you when you cry. After my whole melodrama we laughed for close to an hour and I knew there itself that I am fine now. I AM BACK. I just had to speak to her and let my heart out, I knew things would fall in place.
Having dealt with a lot of difficult situations in life and emerged strong always, I failed to understand why I became so weak this time around. Instead of being a strength to my husband whose parent was ill, he became my strength so that I would not crumble. But yeah, you can’t be strong all the time! So the best msgd me yesterday saying bounce back to being the positive and happy person you are, well yes I’ve bounced back for sure. No one deserves to be sad, everyone should be happy.
In all this craziness I’ve been beating myself up that I haven’t been able to get back to running properly. I don’t know, but this is something I really want for myself. I’ve never enjoyed anything as much as I’ve enjoyed running. I hurt my knees, but I know I will fight the pain and get back there. When you want something really bad and you see no progress it puts you down majorly, but hey I am no quitter.
Oh, and how can I forget, so I got diagnosed with carpal tunnel in my right wrist today. How do I feel?? Pretty good actually, its okay bitches bring it on and I will fight this too. If the pain in my hand gets severe I may require surgery, but I don’t want to think about that now. It will all be well.
10 more days to go for my B’day, yayyy. I love B’days and I almost hit someone who said I turn 30 this year. Sheesh, no way I still have 2more years to hit the thirties. Let me enjoy the twenties till then. So the husband is taking me on a mini getaway to Goa to bring in my B’day. I am totally looking forward to this Lil break, moreover, I love Goa and I can’t wait to get 3more tattoos inked again. I’ ve never wanted anything on my B’day ever, but this time round I want to be a good runner that’s what I want for myself. My Mom always tells me I have a beautiful smile and that represents who I am, well, I am not too sure of the smile but I am glad to be smiling again. Happy tales, life is good, life is beautiful. Keep smiling, always 🙂